What's Up With Your Nasalis
by Katie26
Summary: Just read it. You'll get it.


WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR NASALIS?

Summary: An "interesting" observation leads to a totally off-topic discussion about noses and the muscles that control them between Ron and Hermione.

Disclaimer: Nada, zip, absolutely zero percent of JKR's beautiful books belong to me. (You'll see why after you read a little bit deeper into my writing.)

Note: I like to comment on my writing a lot while I'm writing. To make this easier for you, I'll put in stars instead of millions of parentheses and the note at the bottom. At Checkmated, I used astrics, but here I'm using ''s.

Anyway, set post- OotP

Let the torture begin!

Chapter 1: An Obsession Begins

Hermione hated her nose. It was everything that a nose shouldn't be. There was absolutely no way to describe it because it was so... boring and normal, in an unusual way (does that make any sense?).

Ron couldn't care one way or the other about his nose.

Hermione stared at her face in the mirror, finally alone because Lavender and Parvati were on a strange breakfast date with two boys from... some house or another.

Oh well, this was as good (or bad) as she was going to look for now.

At nine o'clock, with Harry at an Occulmency lesson with Snape (at Dumbledore's request)' and Hermione was slowly killing Ron in the common room'' by answering all of his questions with a twenty minute summary of the entire history of the world before finally coming down to a one word answer.

"It's really all about perspective, Ron. It depends on who you want to support in your essay, the Congress of 1294 or Herman Cantaurian...."

Ron gaped at her as she went on and on and on.... She really did have beautiful eyes....

Abruptly, Hermione stopped talking, staring at the middle of his face.

"What?" Ron asked her, puzzled at her strange change of focus.

"Your nose..." she said, pointing to her own, while keeping her eyes on his.

"What about my nose?" Ron asked defensively. It's not like he had boogers coming out of it (at least, he was pretty sure he didn't).

Hermione's mouth finally closed. "You just flared your nostrils. How do you do that?"

"Do what?" asked Ron.

"Flare your nostrils!" repeated Hermione.

"What, like this?" Ron flared his nostrils.

"Yes!" Hermione cried. "How do you do that?"

"I dunno, I just do. Can't you do it?"

"I dunno," replied Hermione, rubbing her nose. "I don't think so."

"It's easy; you just... move them out."

Hermione tried. Nothing happened. After five minutes of experimenting together, all she was able to do was pull them in.

Just as Ron began to feel sorry that he flared his nostrils at all, Harry climbed through the portrait hole, looking exhausted. Finally!

He walked over to their little table in the corner and sat down heavily.

"Hey mate," greeted Ron, cheerfully.

"Hey," Harry mumbled, not _quite_ as cheerful.

"Harry," Hermione piped up, "can you flare your nostrils?"

The next day, Saturday, found Hermione in the library bright and early. Actually, in the human anatomy section, to be more specific. She had found a muggle science book about otolaryngology''' and was scanning the twenty pages or so on the compressor and dilator nasalis (nose muscles).

Head bent over the tiny print, she drank in the percentages and numbers that flew up at her from the page, determined to memorize everything there was to know about the muscles that make up the nose.

She didn't even hear the heavy footsteps coming up behind her.

"Merlin, Hermione! You're not still on about the whole nose flaring thing are you?" Ron whispered (Madam Pince wasn't more than thirty feet away and had super hearing powers).

Sure enough.... "Be quiet! If you can't keep your voice down, you won't be allowed to use the library!"

Ron slumped into the chair beside Hermione and leaned around her to see the book she was reading.

"I don't believe you," hissed Ron. "You have an unfinished essay in your bag and instead you're doing extra research on a stupid thing like nostril flaring!"

"I'm just curious," Hermione shot back. "Did you know that only 30 of people can flare his or her nostrils? You and Harry may be able to do it, but you're in the minority." She seemed proud of this, and Ron didn't see any reason to point out that _it didn't really matter_.

Hermione continued to read and Ron watched her.

He watched her for five minutes and Hermione was too involved in her book to notice.

He watched the way her hair flew around in the air current coming from the nearby window.

He watched her eyes scrunch up as she tried to make out the faded print.

Finally, he could barely stand it anymore.

And, no, he didn't kiss her.

He stood up and hurried away.

"Stupid," he muttered to himself. "I'm so stupid and Hermione's so stupid to be... obsessing over something as _trivial_ as the percent of people who can flare their nostrils...."

Ron had a problem. He doesn't want to tell you either because he's embarrassed, so I'm not going to tell you his problem, though you've probably already guessed.

Hermione was so damn gorgeous.

Damn.

Why her? Why not someone less... complicated.

Damn.

Saturday afternoon came, and almost went before Hermione and Ron were in a roaring....

**Wait, stop the story. **

I want you to guess. Go on, just guess.

I changed my mind, this isn't a one-shot. It'll go on forever!!

HA HA HA!!!

Or maybe for another chapter.

'Its funny how Harry's always magically _away_ while R/H things are going on. Amazingly convenient.... I wonder if I did that on purpose.... Nah.

''Notice I didn't say library! Curfew is nine!!! I'm finally semi-intelligent!

'''This form of science deals with the throat, nose, and ears. My science teacher wouldn't let me write a paper about it because it wasn't physical science.

HOW TO REVIEW:

Click review

Tell me if you can flare your nostrils.

Tell me what you thought of my story.

Tell me just how ADORABLE you think Ron is.

Click on review again.

THANK YOU!

Note: I could probably use a good beta, condsidering the quality of my writing, so let me know if you're interested. :)

Loony AKA Katie AKA Queen of Spades (long story)


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